The past week has been crazy with hustle and bussel getting my studio ready for the big" move and is going as planned.  Though my deadline was the 1st, 90% complete works for me.  I don't remember too much of my past, but it seems that through the duration of my move memories of the driving of my first nail.  I see it all; my father, the hammer, the nail, my hand getting instruction on how to hold that hammer.  I would have never dreamed  that I would have 37 hammers (since the last count) and use them all. I am thankful that I have the opportunity to do what I do in this life.  What a Gift.  There are times I log-on and read blog after blog of zaadzsters using their gift. It is wonderful to go to a place and just "be" with people that have the vision to see the world as a better place and the gumption to make it happen.

A smile or not.  I trust, until one's actions prove otherwise.  Then again.......guess I would have to have faith in someone and gradually trust them.  I learned that lesson through much suffering. 

 

Happy Day to all !!

I close my eyes....then open....a day, a week, a month go by......I see no problem, Im in the center of my universe, working and playing and helping as best as I can.  A constant practice that has taken many years.  Then, the last week in December arrives and 'bam" flow is interrupted and Tony opens his eyes to celebrate time with his family.  The other universe....(space travel within the realm of Mind). 

I am so very thankful for family.  There had been some years that the last thing on my mind was family.  They patiently waited for my return.  The tribe, there are many out there, yet there are many broken.  I was fortunate enough to have one that stuck together, even if they are spread about the country.  Till this last week of December.  Time stops just long enough for a long hug, a kind gesture, and many many giggles.  

This year I shall try to communicate just a tad more than in years past. 

One of my sisters dug up some old pictures and digitized them.  To their surprise the majority of them were of me.  (go figure)  So I shall post some when I feel it fitting.           

Here I am celebrating my second "last week of December"

 

 

Well, here I am once again drawn into the realm of zaadz.  As a child with a new toy,  I was spending way too much time here.   Time that could be spent in the studio being an elf.  Doing just that for the last month and a half proved to be most productive.  Then, upon completion of a piece the thought of zaadz sprang to mind. 

I find no better place to share what's going on with me than here.  The love, honesty, and people enjoying their very moment of existence, I am home. 

My writing skills will improve with practice as all things do.  Most of all I am learning to share a piece of me for the universe to see, no matter how uncomfortable it may seem at the time it's all for good. 

So I'm going to continue writing and continue to grow, structure my studio time so I have some to spare for another little something that makes me smile. 

Happy Day to All  :)

 

My parents celebrated their 50^th wedding anniversary this past weekend.  Quite the party we had....lots of family.  Some I haven't seen in over 20years.  It just seems like yesterday, us kids playing in the yard. 

I am so pleased  that it all just clicked.  Four cousins  brought together and we were chatting as if we seen each other the day before.  We are of the same conscious quest.  4 out of 70plus people.   I am grateful that I was able to share my world and be understood, then listen and understand.  I have never really felt genetic ties till now.......crazy feeling

So my P's big 50.  How on earth can two people put up with so much shit for so long?  True soul mates?  Socially conditioned to do so?  Scared to move out of their comfort zone?  Reluctant to change?  What ever it is I give them a huge high five.  May they have 50 more.

 Stop trying to control everything and just let go. 

A typical Sunday in small town USA.  There are days when I am so ready to go to a big city.  Then I jump on my bike and zoom down the road.  86miles of zoom.  I even hit a PR I am pleased. 


Getting on that open road, seeing the sun when its that huge orange ball of fire for just about 5 minutes above the horizon.  To breathe clean air.   Love that air.  

There are  dustbunnys in my head.  Their names; Fear and Doubt.  They hide, mocking me and when the beating of my heart becomes so loud, they  just disappear

How often I find myself just "lost"  I look down.....I know where Im at,  I look in and I just see a huge void.  Floating on the open sea of me with no land in sight.

 Being relatively new to the Eastern view of  thought.  My interpretation to the destruction of  ego  could have been a tad extreme.  What was I thinking?  Through much practice I think I managed to remove my drive to succeed.  I just feel blah. 

Where is my friend that used to wake me in the morning singing of the new day?  I closed the door on that good ego friend of mine.  I so want those days once again.  I'll get ‘m  back with a little action. 

Zaadz- connect, grow, inspire, empower......I feel I am continuously taking from and giving nothing in return.  Could be that's just where I'm at, but it's so freakin hard to accept. 

I'm in the right place.  I shall try to take the time to grow and accept where I'm at.  Cause I'm already here. 

 How wonderful it is just to bounce back.  I learn so much from children.  Eager to learn, explore, imagine, create,....... to see things in their own perspective.  Then somewhere along the way one gets swayed by the opinions of their parents and conditioned by society.  All the stuff one needs to survive on spaceship Earth. 

Then one day you get to the top of your ladder and realize its against the wrong wall......So now there is a choice (a) stay where you're at, be miserable or pretend to be happy and just wish what could have been.  (b) set ladder on a new wall and start climbing.  I see lots of people choose (a) it saddens me and all one can do is set an example. 

 I remember all too well having that choice.  I was stubborn, it took much pain for me to see in another perspective.  What a joy it is to learn the lesson and move on the next.  Today I don't have to spend years climbing one ladder.  Keep it simple and climb many ladders.  Imagine the health benefits.

 Some days are just better than others.  One of these days I hope to achieve some balance.  The constant hi and lows are really starting to get the best of me.  I so am not into going to the doctor.  There has to be a way......I haven't found it yet.  So I sit, I go through, I survive.  I journal, I go through, I survive.  I grow, I change, I survive.  I pray, I practice.  I share, I give, I participate, I try, I learn.  I am grateful that I can experience what the Universe has to offer.

 

 

So keep on tony d  this too shall pass

 

 

How on Earth can depression want to be my friend.  I certainly didn't go looking for it.. I have trouble making friends as it is, but I can do without this one.  I've even gone to the extreme.  I collect data on myself...i.e. diet, exercise, mood, etc.  in hopes of finding some sort of trend.  I think by just paying attention to what my body and mind are doing on a daily basis has slowed it greatly.  But now and then,  Wednesday was a prime example,  I was down for the count.  It pissed me off....  So I tried something new....I sat,  turned inward, and rejoiced in my depression.  It took all the energy I could muster but I did it and came out on the other side.....alive.  This is a big step. I could be growing.   I actually have something to blog about.  It's here no matter how scattered it may sound.  Titles I can do without.  I have trouble naming whatever I create, so what comes to mind will have to do. 

thank you team zaadz for putting the edit button back, even though taking it off couldn't have happened at a better time.